Mental health | Update

I haven't written a post in so long because i'd simply lost all motivation to do anything so i'm taking this time to do a bit of an update. More for myself really to look back on. 

To be honest my mental health hasn't been great. I've been at a constant low for some time now. I feel drained or like someone has pulled my plug. Any motivation I had at the beginning of last year has now gone and I can't seem to find it again. Leaving school in September was a pretty overwhelming time for me. I felt like i was being pressured into making big decisions and big steps to either go straight into a job or go to college. I tried college but didn't get as far as getting a placement and dropped out. I've now been signed on the sick by my GP because i physically felt like I couldn't make those big steps yet and was having a massive impact on my mental health and also being signed on the sick was so I wasn't going to get into trouble by not being in full time education or employment.

I feel like i'm at a stuck point now and don't really know what to do other than crawl into bed but I know I can't do that as it will just make me feel even shitter about myself. I need to find something I can fill my time in with; something that I enjoy doing so i'm going to try and blog a lot more as I like doing that and it helps me escape. I love doing photography and writing about different things so I guess I can try and combine the two and use my little space on the internet as a bit of therapy.

I'm taking baby steps and hopefully get myself back on track and settle my anxiety and depression.

Mental Illness | Shannonxo

Shan here,
It's come to me that I should finally write this post since I said I would write how I felt. I know there are many, many people in the world who have mental illnesses, maybe thousands or millions but me being one of them people. Having a mental illness does not mean you are mental/crazy. I suffer from Depression and Anxiety, which is very difficult for me to deal with.

With having Depression, the slightest negative thing could just hit me and put my life off balance. It's like a storm; it starts slow, picking away at you, then it becomes stronger and causes more damage. Then it stops, and you seem like you're fine, that it's getting better. Like it's safe to go outside now, and enjoy the finer things in life. Kind of like the eye of the storm. Then out of nowhere, it hits you again, knocking you down, harder than before, until you're no more.

I have my good days and bad. Just tell myself to muddle through it all. I haven't been the person who lives a very perfect life so far at all with things keep going wrong in the family, with illnesses. Me and my family definitely haven't been very lucky with life but all I can say is that it brings us closer together. We stick by each other, tell them everything's going to be alright.

I don't have much self esteem with having this mental illness as it leaves you thinking the worst of yourself. I constantly have troubles running through the back of my head. It just traps the real you inside of someone else, who you don't want to be. Anxiety, is another big problem of mine. I'm not very good around lots of people. I get very anxious very easily and have to try getting myself out of the situation some how. Resulting in this, there's some days I have to listen to calming remedies on my phone through various different apps.

This, making school a struggle for me too. I don't have a great deal of friends. Making socialising very difficult. However, this doesn't bother me. Having family by my side means a lot and I'm grateful for that.

It is a real struggle, but remember to keep fighting. Always keep in mind that if you also have a mental illness, you aren't the only one. "Do more of what makes you happy". If writing about it makes you feel good, or you enjoy other things to ease your mind, then go for it!
I did not write this post to get sympathy at all or for people to feel sorry for me because I know that I'm not the only one. Writing about things, just makes me feel that tiny bit better.

Stay positive.

Xoxo,
Shannon